10 things to avoid in a potential partner
Which qualities are you looking for in a partner… and which should you categorically avoid?
First of all, your potential suitor should love the Lord and encourage you to do the same. He or she should exhibit the fruits of the Spirit, have a servant heart and also be super good-looking and a load of fun. Simple, huh? Bearing in mind that those looking to start a relationship are likely to be on their best behaviour, what red flags should we be looking out for?
- Anger. We can all get annoyed at times, but if your future beau is prone to furious outbursts and streams of profanity it’s probably best to steer clear. This anger may not be directed at you in the early stages, but that may change if it’s something the person cannot control.
- Childishness. There is nothing more annoying than a stroppy toddler/teenager… aside from a stroppy adult. If he or she has tantrums, is self-centred, only thinks about now rather than the future and constantly needs looking after, you may be better off looking elsewhere.
- Unforgiveness. The Bible tells us we must forgive others. If your prospective partner is walking around with a chip on his shoulder or deep-rooted hatred for a family member in her heart it’s time to address this or walk away. If left undealt with it will eat them up and destroy your relationship. Your new flame may also struggle to forgive if you ever happen to do anything that doesn’t meet with his/her approval.
- Selfishness. We all know someone who only thinks about themselves. They let everyone else do the work while they attend only to their basic needs, splurging the cash on all the latest trends in the process. This might be OK in a friend you see from time to time, but do you want to end up married to Mr/Mrs Selfish?
- Impatience. There are occasions when we have to rush in life, like when we’re late for an appointment or need the loo. But if your sweetheart is constantly rushing you and needs everything done yesterday you may be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unnecessary stress.
- Bullying. This is a really serious thing to look out for. If the person you like is pressuring you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with this will only get worse. Avoid at all costs! It’s also worth looking at the way he or she treats other people. Controlling, aggressing or manipulative behaviour should be an absolute deal-breaker.
- Uncleanliness. Perhaps your prospective partner has a few hygiene issues or isn’t so good at keeping on top of the housework. These are things that can be fixed, but think about any underlying issues that might be causing the uncleanliness. Is there a psychological reason or is the person simply lazy? Either way, is that something you can live with?
- Lying. The Bible tells us the truth will set us free, which suggests lying will keep us in bondage. It’s really important you trust this person to tell you the truth rather than telling you what you want to hear. Obviously, a bit of tact is helpful, but a life partner should be someone who respects you enough to be upfront, confront difficult issues and own up to mistakes they have made.
- Gossiping. A bit of gossip may seem harmless enough, but it can cause rifts in relationships, workplaces, churches and communities. Choose a partner who can be trusted to keep a confidence and who will only share things that are helpful to you and to anyone they may be speaking about.
- Sexual immorality. This is another major red flag. It’s one thing to have a chequered past that has been repented of and quite another for the person to keep fooling around or feeding that pornography addiction. If they can’t commit to you now without sexual fulfilment they may not be faithful within a marriage relationship.
Before you start dating, pray, pray and pray again! You could also ask the Lord to reveal any changes you need to make in your own life in case you fit into any of the above categories yourself…