Five questions to ask yourself if you’re looking for a spouse

Whether you believe in ‘the one’ or not, there are some basic attributes you should be looking for in a potential husband or wife.

Perhaps you’ve been single for a while and you are searching for someone to share your life with, or maybe you’ve been dating for ages but just can’t decide whether he or she is ‘the one’. Here are some good questions to ask yourself as you decide who the right person for you might be. While you’re at it, why not make sure you uphold the same standards?

  1. Is God more important to him/her than you are? There shouldn’t be too many things in your partner’s life that are more important than you, but God is the exception to this rule. If Jesus isn’t at the centre of your lives you will struggle as individuals and as a couple. It’s vital that you are on the same page about your faith and that you are able to encourage one another in the things of God as you journey through life together.
  2. Does the person keep his/her word? We trust God because we know from the Bible that he keeps his promises. If the person you are interested in doesn’t always do what they say steer clear! We all fall short at times, but integrity is really important, even in the small things. It’s easy to talk a good game, but if there is no follow-through you will find yourself constantly frustrated. Worse still, you won’t be able to trust your potential partner when it comes to the bigger issues, such as money and fidelity.
  3. Does he/she bring out the best in you? It’s important that you are yourself with your beloved, but some people seem to bring out the best in us more effectively than others. Even if you are different in personality it’s really helpful if you complement one another and spur each other on to greater things. Finding someone who has similar passions can help to give you shared goals and perspectives.
  4. Is this person kind, generous and hospitable? As Christians we should be demonstrating Christ to others in our communities. Not only do we want to be on the receiving end of kindness ourselves, but we should look for someone who will offer an open door and an open heart to those around us. It’s important that your partner looks after the needs of your family but also serves the church family and those who are currently outside it. Does this person get on well with your friends and family? With his/her own family? With strangers?
  5. Are your expectations in line? There’s no point fixing all your hopes on someone if your life objectives are completely different. For example, you may desperately want a big family, while he/she may want to travel the world instead. It’s probably not a good idea to ask what your prospective partner’s intentions toward you are on a first date, but it’s definitely worth finding out fairly quickly whether you could have the future you are hoping for with this person. If not, are you willing to sacrifice your deepest desires to be with him/her?

This may all seem a bit ambitious, and of course no one is perfect (not even you!), but choosing the right partner will have lifelong repercussions, so choose wisely. Don’t just rely on looks, which are fleeting, and avoid settling for second best because you are eager to be in a relationship. Seek God as you look for a spouse, and don’t stop seeking him when you find that special person. That’s just the beginning!