Help! All my friends are coupled up, but I’m still single…
Eight top tips if you’re struggling with singleness amid a sea of smug couples.
Life can feel so unfair at times, especially if everyone else seems to be enjoying what you really want for your own life. You may be perfectly happy being single, but if all your friends are in relationships and you feel left behind, don’t despair. There is still plenty to live for and look forward to. Here are our eight top tips:
- Remember that social media can offer a skewed image of reality. You see your friends on the beach or in the park looking blissfully happy with their partners and children, and you’re stuck at home on your own. But don’t forget that everyone has their issues, and they’re just showing you the best parts. Relationships can be really challenging and some of your friends may even envy your singleness!
- Enjoy the positives of single life. There are many benefits to doing life ‘alone’. You can pursue the career and hobbies that interest you without having to work around a spouse and kids. You can embrace exciting opportunities you might not have been able to take if you’d been coupled up. Your time and your finances are yours to do with as you please. Make the most of them while you have that freedom!
- Consider why you want to be in a relationship. Do you want to find Mr/Mrs Right because you’re ready to build a life with someone or because all your friends are in a relationship and you feel left out? Are you looking to build something long term or to have someone temporary who looks good on your arm? This may help you understand why you’re still single and cause you to re-evaluate your priorities.
- Decide what you’re looking for in a partner. Write a list of all the attributes you admire. What’s important to you? Can you offer the same attributes in return? Are any of them shallow or selfish? Are your standards too high or too low? Does your current lifestyle give you the opportunity to meet someone like this?
- Hang out with other people. Enjoy spending time with other singles who may not be in your core friendship group as well as your coupled-up friends. Avoid the super-smug couples and seek out those that have stood the test of time. Ask how they met and what their advice is when looking for a new relationship. Avoid well-meaning offers to set you up with ‘eligible’ friends unless you have vetted their eligibility yourself!
- Pray for guidance. Tell God what you’re looking for in a partner and ask him to bring the right person into your life. Pray that he or she would be wise and godly, and would encourage you in your faith. (You can pray for less virtuous things too, but these are important!) Then ask him to mould you into the perfect shape for that person so you are equally able to meet their needs.
- Don’t focus all your attention on this. It can become really depressing if all you ever think about is finding someone to spend your life with. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Try new things, meet new people, learn new skills and have a laugh! Devote time to developing your relationship with God and those around you.
- Avoid becoming a super-smug yourself. If and when you do find the right partner, don’t become one of those annoying couples that pretends their life is utterly perfect now that they’ve found ‘the one’. Remember to look out for single people around you and make them feel included. And keep asking God to mould you into the perfect shape as you and your partner face life’s many highs and lows.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).